Ladies, and gents, I’m sounding an alarm bell: our generation is at risk of losing our rich cultural traditions. How so? This past weekend I was at a dholki (pre-wedding event where you play the traditional drum and sing wedding folk songs). An aside, this is what I wore, another outfit from Chinyere, the same one that I wore to my own dolki in Pakistan last year, with the kussas (shoes) I wore on my mehndi, from Kussa Mahal in Liberty, Lahore, costume earrings from Shabi’s in Richmond Hill, costume jhummar (that piece of jewelry I’m wearing on the side) that my Khala sent me from Karachi, and a purse my sass (mother-in-law) gave me as part of my wari (trousseau gifted to the bride from the groom’s family)!
And at this dholki, not one of the twenty of us twenty-somethings knew the words to one full song, and only one person knew how to play the actual dolak itself! And that is a problem.
Sure, we could start “Lathay Di Chadar Uthay Salayti Rang Maaiya Ao Samne Ao Samne Gholo Di Uske Na Rang Maaiya”…But what comes after that? Ok ok, how about “o kala shah kala…” Wait, but then what? And so on, and so forth until our voices fizzled enough that we had to resign ourselves to finding a youtube play list!
If we don’t learn these songs from our mamas, khalas, phupos, chachis, mamanis (basically all the female aunts, as typically it was women who sang these songs, even though nowadays both girls and guys give it their best efforts), then what are our own children’s wedding functions going to look like, when they’re not around to drown out our unsure voices? How will we keep our rich traditions alive?
I grew up in a really small town in Canada where I was literally the only South Asian kid in my class…Every. Single. Year. I never had the opportunity to attend dolkis because there was just no community around us and so I was never exposed to these songs, in fact the first time I had ever heard any of these songs was when my cousins sang them perfectly at my own dolki in Pakistan! So now when I attend dholkis with people who were surrounded with large desi communities, and who grew up singing these songs on the regular…and they don’t even know the words, I can’t help but think what chances do we have to preserve it?!
Having song booklets to learn the words help! Here’s one that you can download that my sis-in-law sent me: Songs Booklet! My BFPW tip: when you have them printed for your dholkis/mayoun/mehndis, have them printed on bright yellow paper – it will blend into the decor and look so much more festive than plain white sheets!
Be sure to look out for my Punjabi song booklet next post! (I know, this one doesn’t even have the classics like Chitti kukar! Hehe 😉 ) What classic songs would you add to your song book?!
-Safa
mybigfatpakistani 
Thank you soooo much for this amazing booklet of songs! You are a life saver! Ditto scenario as you, I can’t even sing the first lines to any of these songs. Same conundrum used to mind boggle me that how will we ever keep these traditions alive? Thanks once again will definitely be printing them at all my wedding festivities that await me! Maybe our generation will start a new trend… print the songs on a colour paper matching your decor and hand them out to the guests! 😉 P.S you look very pretty!
Hi Nina! Yayy so glad you find it helpful! Haha glad im not the only one who thought this!! Thank you!:) and congrats on the upcoming wedding! !!
Love your website! Has been a real inspiration for my sisters upcoming wedding. Was wondering if you could advise me on something though…
My mum is thinking of giving clothes and gifts to the boys extended family (i.e. his aunts and uncles from both his mum and dad’s side) – and he has A LOT!
Since I don’t have any experience in Pakistani weddings I was wondering, is it normal tradition/custom for the girls side to give gifts to the boys extended family? (e.g. his aunts and uncles). It may not be something that you done yourself, but do you know if it is done in general or if it is common?
Any help would be appreciated! (PS love your blog and you looked stunning on your wedding day!)
Hi Ciara! Thank you! So glad you’re finding it helpful:) ya, it is a tradition for the girls side to give gifts to the boys side, I actually went on a whole rant about gifting traditions in our culture, and how its time we redefine them here: https://mybigfatpakistaniwedding.com/2014/01/15/gifting-traditions-in-desi-wedding-culture/ check it out you may find it helpful! We did give gifts, but just to the immediate fam not extended (SMs fam is huge too and for us we just wouldn’t be able to afford it…plus I personally don’t agree with the premise of putting that financial burden on the girls side in that way!) Anyway I rant about this all in my blog, check it out, ultimately your momma has to do what she’s comfortable with!
Thank you so much, I really do appreciate it. Love the dholki songs also… your blog is truly helpful towards the wedding planning, its always nice to have other opinions and ideas.
Good luck with everything and keep shining 🙂 x
Aw so happy to hear 🙂 thank you!
Omg. I am SUCH an old soul when it comes to dholki songs! I LOVE them all and am always disappointed when girls don’t know them. Thankfully, there are a few hard core of us in my group that know all the old school songs.
Cute outfit!
Hi Shaza! We totally could have used your skills that night haha!
You look pretty in this outfit. 🙂
Thank you Lakshmi!!:)
🙂 We guys have the exact same songs in India and its the same situation here
My moms a dolki pro, and i dont know how to play it and i can say the first line and then stop..but im on a mission to learn, because unless i do i know my kids weddings are going to miss out on the most fun element of indian weddings ever !
It’s not really a must to know and preserve these songs for most Pakistanis because of the teachings of Islam against certain types of music. Sorry I had to put it out there but I want to thank you for the blog as it is relatable to my situation now. I’m a 20-something year old Pakistani-Canadian from Lahore who’s engaged :). Keep up the good work.
Hi Tasneem, thanks for your comment! When it comes to music and Islam, well I think the way one chooses to interpret religion within culture is up to them – to each their own. Congrats on your wedding, wishing you all the best mA!
Great blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
A design like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog shine.
Please let me know where you got your design. Thank you
Thank you, its just a word press theme!
“Lathay Di Chadar Uthay Salayti Rang Maaiya Ao Samne Ao Samne Gholo Di Uske Na Rang Maaiya”…
The correct word are “Lathay Di Chadar Uthay Salayti Rang Maaiya Ao Samne Ao Samne Kholo Di Ruske Na Lang Maaiya”…
i like Dholki song
Hey Safa!
Would it be possible to re-upload/re-link the dholki booklet? I think it’s stopped functioning. I would appreciate it a lot 🙂 Thanks ❤
Hey Sarah! Sorry for the delay in replying!! I will try and fix it yes!!
Thank you! It’s my first time hosting a dholki for a rather large gathering. Super excited! Already bought colourful lanterns, led lights, and a bunch of panels to hang up 🙂
Oh that’s so fun!!!
Love your website! Has been a real inspiration for my sisters upcoming wedding. Was wondering if you could advise me on something though.thanks 🙂
Thank you! What advice were you looking for?!
We guys have the exact same songs in India and its the same situation here
My moms a dolki pro, and i dont know how to play it and i can say the first line and then stop..but im on a mission to learn, because unless i do i know my kids weddings are going to miss out on the most fun element of indian weddings ever !
Thank you for posting this booklet! This is very helpful. Do you have a punjabi version as well?
Thank you for posting this! It is very helpful. Do you also have a punjabi version?
where the hell is booklet?????????
Hey where is the booklet???Please email it to me if you removed it. I reallyyyyy neeeed it!!!